September 2, 2009

Only One Choice Remains: DNS or DNF

At 9:25 this evening I received a phone call that changed my life in a heartbeat. My podiatrist had just spoken to the radiologist about the emergency MRI I had today and the news was as bad as it can get 10 days before an Ironman. My nagging plantar fasciitis turned out to be much more. I have a partial rupture of the plantar fascia, an injury that if worsened could cause permanent damage and end a lot more than just one Ironman dream.

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I feel like this is a horrible nightmare that I will wake up from and be able to move on. But it's not. It's reality and it's unfair. I sacrificed so much, worked so hard and dedicated myself to this 100% and for what?

It's a pretty firm diagnosis, but I'll get final word on just how grave it is either late tonight or early tomorrow. The only decision I have yet to make is how to handle the race. I'll still go to be with my friends and family and share in some of the experience, but I have to decide if I will start and do the parts I'm allowed to do before making the hardest choice in the world to voluntarily DNF. The other option is to DNS and just be a spectator.

In my heart I know I want to race. I begged the doctor to let me walk it and I swore I'd never walk an Ironman. I thought there was no point. But when I made that speculation I wasn't at the end of 30 weeks of putting my heart and soul into the preparation so I could never understand being in the shoes of those who've decided to walk. Now that I'm there I can see why they do it. If the doctor said I could without risking permanent damage, I would. But if I'm truly setting myself up for long term rehabilitation and another lost season, then I'll do what I'm told and likely race what I can and then stop.

This is one of the lowest points of my life. Ironman is so much more than a race and those outside of the sport may never understand it. It will take me quite some time to be able to get over this and move on. For now I have to take it one day at a time and try to move toward acceptance.

23 comments:

  1. OMG, I'm so sorry to hear this and even more sorry that my last comment was so untimely! I don't even know what to say, I wish that there is something I could say that help ease your decision, but that doesn't exist. My thoughts are with you and know that you will ultimately make the right decision.

    E

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  2. Really sorry,but you are right to hold off if long term damage is a possibility. You can come back twice as strong next year.

    Maybe you can volunteer part of the time? I know my station is still looking for help.

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  3. I am so sorry, but you can come back even stronger next year!

    If you feel up to it maybe you can volunteer. My station is still looking to fill some slots!

    Suzy

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  4. This really sucks. So sorry to hear the news. We'll have to go go drown your sorrows over a couple of beers next week.

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  5. Sorry to hear about this!! But I can tell you and you know too, that you will get through it and be a stronger person for it!

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  6. What a bummer! I am so sorry to hear this. I hope your recovery brings you back to 100% and it is a SPEEDY recovery.

    This is the optimist in me: Can you still swim and bike it and absolutely knock those two out of the park knowing that you wont need to save yourself for the run? It would still be a great learning experience for future Ironmans, especially for the mass swim start and nutrition/hydration on the bike.

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  7. UGH!!! So crushed. I'm so sorry to hear this. Those of us who follow this blog have been along for an amazing ride (thanks for that, btw) This is not the end of the story, just another (albeit major) bump on the road. There are other ironman races...and as sucky as it not to be able to fully complete in this ironman, it would be way worse to lose the ability to EVER run again.

    Good luck and godspeed!

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  8. I am so sorry for you Kristin, I can imagine how you feel right now even if it never happened to me.

    At least go out there and rock the swim and bike part ;)

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  9. Kristin, I can't tell you how disappointed I am for you. I can only imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling. That said, I know that you'll do the right thing by keeping your focus long-term, knowing that you already have another IM scheduled for '10. We are still looking forward to meeting you in Madison, and know that your friends - internet and otherwise - are thinking of you.

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  10. I know the feeling...I was faced with that same decision a month or so ago when I learned I had a stress fracture in my foot from training.

    Personally, I decided it would be harder for me to listen to my body and DNF when it started to hurt and/or before the run. I'll be out there volunteering and cheering the other athletes on. But even tho I made that decision, and I know it's what's best for my body, I still got teary eyed and upset when I saw the first IM truck pull into Madison this week.

    Remember, there's always another IM, but you only have one body. I feel for you... :(

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  11. I am soooo sorry, Kristen. I can only imagine how you feel.

    Keep next season in mind and get healthy!!

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  12. My heart is breaking for you, Kristin. It IS unfair. It is completely and utterly unfair. And I know that people are trying to be helpful when they say that you will come back stronger, that it's better to not risk long term damage, etc. .. that doesn't change the fact that you worked very hard for this and It. Simply. Is. Not. Fair. I'll be thinking about you. Let me know if you want to talk ((()))

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  13. I am so sorry to hear this and that it had to happen to you. It's easy to say that everything happens for a reason but so hard to accept when the situation is happening to you. Whatver you decided it will be the right decision.

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  14. Hi, Kristin,
    I'm so sorry and wish there was a way to make sense of or put a positive spin on this situation. But there isn't. I've followed your blog for a time and know you deserve better. I hope you're soon to rise above the anger and frustration you must be feeling and do what IM is all about: keep going.
    Drew

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  15. No words. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

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  16. I was shocked to read your post and I am so sorry about your news. If there is a way to race, even walking the run, I hope your doctor finds it!

    I will be keeping you in my prayers for a speedy recovery.

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  17. Oh no. I can't believe it. After following your blog for so long I am really bummed. Not as much as you but still; darn it.

    I know that whatever you do it will be a hard decison for you. We're still excited to have you here in WI.

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  18. K - My enthusiasm has dropped some after catching this. You have worked SO hard, and we had fun training a couple of times together. I am so sorry this happened to you.

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  19. Kristin - it really is the journey that counts and I am sure it has been wonderful. I have been following you for months and I have seen so many highs and a few lows.

    You will bounce back but right now you have to look at the big picture. It is just a race! Get well, enjoy what you have experienced and come back stronger than ever!

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  20. I got a lump in my throat this morning when I saw the title of your blog and I was teary eyed by the end. I know this is something that you've wanted so badly and devoted so much training time towards. I know there are no words that will help, but just know that I am thinking about you and hoping for some shred of good news.

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  21. I'm sorry to read this post, but wanted to say that you and this blog have and I hope will continue to be a great inspiration. Good luck with whatever you decide!

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