No Substitutions

It's been 11 days since my crash and I've tried pretty hard to keep my lacerated, bruised chin up throughout it all. I took a full week to rest, followed up with the orthopedist, changed hundreds of bandages, ate healthy, slept a lot and focused on the positives. Yet I don't feel as good as I wish I could. The whole experience has been a physical and emotional roller coaster that in and of itself is exhausting. I'll be feeling better and then realize I can't do simple things like get my shirt on or put my hair in a ponytail. It's actually amazing how many things are now a huge undertaking for me. I used to put my energy into training and now I put it into just getting by.

I took a walk tonight to clear my head and again found myself on the Hudson River, watching everyone out for their evening run. It was then that I realized why I don't feel better. I miss training. I miss having a goal and a purpose. I miss the energy it gave me and the sense of accomplishment. I miss everything about it. And it's clear there are no substitutions. I was planning to do the elliptical tonight and I couldn't find the motivation. It's not the same even though it's intended to get me back on track more quickly.

But since I can't train, I'm going to need to re-set my goals and priorities. I need to find a way to motivate myself within my limitations. I know I said a few days ago that I wasn't focusing on limitations, but I have to at least acknowledge I have them.

I reached an all time low in my injury sadness tonight. I don't want to dwell on it, but I think it's important that I acknowledge just how much this accident has affected me. It's hard to keep hearing, "cheer up" or "it could be worse" when I really just want it to be ok that I'm sad, frustrated and disappointed. Yes, I'm thankful it wasn't worse and I'm thankful I will heal quickly and look back on this in months as a distant memory, but for right now, today, it's hard. And until I can get some of it back, it will continue to be hard.

I paid a visit to my local bar because I heard some good friends were there and I knew it was just what I needed. It was nice to see friendly faces and forget about my arm and triathlons for awhile. I just need to carry that over to the rest of my life and everything will be fine.